Body Safety: Teaching the “New” Basic Life Skill to Protect Kids from Child Sexual Abuse
Parents and caregivers spend years teaching children how to navigate the world safely. We remind them to wear a helmet, buckle their seatbelts, and look both ways before crossing the street. We teach these things calmly, consistently, and without fear.
It is time we treat Body Safety with that same matter-of-fact energy. It isn’t a “scary talk”; it’s just another form of safety. By having these conversations early and confidently, we give our children the tools they need to speak up if someone harms them.
Note: I’m a survivor of sexual abuse, and I’ve spent my entire 20 year career as a trauma therapist helping other survivors heal. It is NOT ok or fair that the responsibility for protecting kids from sexual abuse falls to us. The responsibility should fall to predators not to offend, and to society and the justice system to hold them accountable when they do. But in this broken world, we know better than to put our trust in that. So we do the one thing we can: we teach our children. We teach them their bodies belong to them, that NO ONE, no matter their power, has a right to their bodies, and what to do if someone acts outside of that reality.
Keeping children safe from Child Sexual Abuse
1. The Bathing Suit Rule
The simplest way to define boundaries for a child is the Bathing Suit Rule. It’s clear, visual, and easy for them to remember:
The Rule: No one is allowed to touch, look at, or ask you to touch or look at the areas of your body covered by a bathing suit.
If you want to break this down further, you can include that no one is allowed to take pictures of or ask you to take pictures of these areas. Because of how prevelant Child Sexual Exploitation Materials (CSEM) are, and because predators often use CSEM as a step in the grooming process, this is an important addition.
Bonus tip for this one: Teach your children that they ALWAYS get to make decisions about THEIR bodies, whether or not this has anything to do with the bathing suit rule! This means they don’t have to hug their grandparents or be okay with being tickled or anything else that doesn’t feel safe in THEIR body. Learning how to trust their own body and instincts will serve them far beyond childhood!
2. “No One” Means No One
It is important to be explicit here. Children are often taught to respect authority, which can create confusion if a familiar person crosses a boundary. Make sure your child knows that “no one” includes:
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Friends and peers.
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All family members.
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Trusted adults, coaches, or teachers, as well as people in authority such as law enforcement and doctors.
- Even you! Seriously. When you teach them the body safety rules, include, “Even if I do something that makes you feel uncomfortable in your body, I want to know so I can stop.”
3. Creating a “No-Trouble” Zone
The biggest barrier to a child coming forward is the fear of being in trouble or “breaking a secret.” Combat this by giving them a clear action plan if someone breaks the body safety rules:
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Tell a safe adult immediately.
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The Promise: Ensure they know they will never be in trouble for telling you about someone breaking the body safety rules, no matter who that person is. And then make sure you keep that promise.
If Your Child Discloses Sexual Abuse to You: Three Vital Steps
If your child comes to you and says these rules have been broken, your reaction is their first step toward healing.
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Believe Them: Don’t cross-examine or doubt. Take their word as truth.
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Praise Their Courage: Say, “I am so proud of you for telling me. You did the right thing, and you are so brave.”
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Seek Professional Support: You don’t have to navigate this alone. Reach out to a specialized therapist, a pediatrician, or a dedicated hotline. In the United States, you can contact RAINN, The Rape, Abuse, and Incest National Network.
You will get through this together.
If you were the victim of sexual abuse as a child, help is available for you too. This is who Charity specializes in working with. Reach out to her today.
